Over the past few days I've started to reflect on my experience here so far, and I've started to question if I can really live in Georgia for 9 and half months. I've definitely started to come down from my honeymoon phase where everything is exciting and new, and I'm realizing that no matter where you live in the world, some sort of routine will form.
Living in a small apartment with five other Georgians can be quite overwhelming at times. I've tried to find my own space, but there is just very little of that here, plain and simple. There are days when I just want to curl up in bed and read a book, but I can't because my little brother is playing his drums in one room and Bebia is telling me to come have tea with her in another room and the only room left is the toilet. I've been living in my family's dining room the past month. So when I close the doors at night or I'm getting changed in the morning there is always the possibility of someone walking in (its happened twice already..hence I get dressed in the bathroom a lot more now).
I never thought personal space was something I so desperately needed but I guess its a natural feeling. I also tend to compare my experience with the other three girls in Samtredia. All three of them live in the guest bedrooms of their families homes with nice king size beds and (gasp) closets! I do have to say though there are definitely perks to living in the apartment like wireless Internet. So for the lack of a bed, I can facebook and email whenever I want.
I have to say that my family is extremely kind and has gone above and beyond anything I ever imagined a host family would do. Just yesterday, my mom bought me a sweater and a pair of socks because she had picked up a shirt for Nino. And today, I got home and Bebia had about 15 tomatoes ready for me to eat. I've never seen a family as close as my Georgian one either. They literally spend so much time in the same little quarters that it just amazes me.
However, my family tends to fight a lot. I'm still not sure if they are fight ALL the time or it just sounds like it, but literally from the time I wake up at 8am till I go to bed I witness at least five spats of yelling a day. This is quite different than my American family where the arguing is few and far between and when it does occur it is not very often. It seems like everyone is always angry at each other, but I'm starting to think a lot of its a lost in translation thing. There is just no way people fight that much. They just all must raise their voices when they talk? Not sure.
The final comment I would like to make is about my father. I'm having some daddy issues. I really thought we were headed towards a turning point in our relationship, but from the comment he literally just made to me I'm not so sure. Its really difficult to live with someone that does not try to understand you as a person simply because you can not speak the language. I think he finds it like he is lowering himself to have to speak through his daughter. I try to make small talk like when he drives me to school. I always say thank you and goodbye when he drops me off and he never responds.
Then tonight we were all talking about me going home for my American sister's wedding. I can tell he is a bit bitter that I'm coming and going whenever I please. I didn't mean for it to happen like that, but he seems to think I'm not happy here. He offered me some apple, and I said I didn't want any, and then he goes, "Do you want America?" I pretended I didn't understand because I didn't know what to say, but I feel really weird living with him at this point. He definitely has issues with me and I wish I could address them, but I can't. Its really frustrating! I can't live with someone that is going to crack jokes at my expense when I already am having my own inner thoughts going on in my head. I already have so many insecurities about being here that my Georgian dad giving me a hard time everyday is not exactly what I need. I wish I could express to him how appreciative I am of him opening his home and family to me, but for now its just not possible. I know if I engaged Nino to tell him things it would not go over well. I guess my biggest motivation to learn Georgian now is to talk to my father so when he cracks jokes about me I can come back at him, which I think ironically he would actually enjoy and be proud of me for.